“Buckle up...and throw everything you think you know out the window.”
This was a reply to my question, “What’s one piece of advice you wish someone had given you when your child became a teenager?” I love it!
As I’ve said many times, as our kids grow and change, we need to grow and change as parents. What worked with a child of 5 or 9 won’t work with a teen. Out the window!
It’s time to buckle up for a ride unlike any you’ve experienced. The old ways won’t serve you well anymore.
Your role as teacher and protector must evolve into that of guide and trusted confidante.
Your time as the final authority with ultimate power is over.
*NOTE: This doesn’t mean that you give in, give up, and let chaos reign. There’s this thing called a boundary which comes into play. (We’ll get to that in another post.)
What it does mean is this: to come to acceptance that their actions are now their own. We cannot control them.
Perhaps your child responds to threats, coercion, and punishments. My way or the highway. Your teen may give in and do it your way; however, there is a great cost to both of you.
The teenage years are a period of rapid change—not just for your child, but for you as a parent. They’re growing more independent, questioning authority, and figuring out who they are, often in ways that feel defiant or confusing. If your methods aren’t working anymore, it’s time to change them.
What to do?
The best thing you can do is adapt.
Be prepared to listen more than you speak, show empathy even when they push your buttons, and allow for their mistakes and learning. Teenagers are exploring life and their identity. They need a safe space at home where they feel supported, not controlled.
Ultimately, parenting teens requires flexibility and a willingness to learn new things about them—and yourself. Hold on, because the ride can be bumpy. But with an open mind and a lot of patience, it can also be deeply rewarding.
Stay tuned throughout the year for more wisdom from our Parent Coach!
Fern Weis is a Parent Coach, supporting and educating parents of teens and young adults. She helps parents nurture connected, trusting relationships, fine-tune communication skills, and create healthy, effective boundaries. In this way, they can better prepare their teens to be competent, confident, resilient adults who successfully navigate life and relationships.